Healing is often portrayed as this glowing, linear, triumphant thing. But here’s something we don’t talk about enough:
Sometimes becoming someone new means grieving who you used to be—and who you used to belong to.
At MIMO, we believe healing is not just about growth. It’s also about loss—the quiet ache of outgrowing identities, roles, relationships, and ways of coping that once felt like home.
Why Growth Can Feel Like Grief
When you start to heal, you change. You might stop fawning or people-pleasing. You might set boundaries. Speak up. Rest. Reflect. Question everything.
And when you do, some people—maybe even people you once loved deeply—no longer recognize you. Or no longer relate to you. Or no longer feel safe to you.
Growth is beautiful, but it’s also lonely. Because in becoming someone new, you sometimes lose the people who only knew the old version of you.
What This Kind of Grief Feels Like
- A feeling of being “too different” from your old friends or community
- Loneliness, even though you’re doing what’s right for you
- Guilt for leaving people behind—or resentment for being left
- Fear that you’ll always be too much or not enough
- Nostalgia for a version of you that was suffering—but connected
This grief is real. And like all grief, it deserves space.
Letting Go Isn’t Rejection—It’s Reverence
Sometimes, the people you no longer align with were important chapters. They helped you survive. They held your hand when you didn’t know how to hold your own.
Letting go of them isn’t betrayal. It’s honoring the truth of where you are now—and where you’re going.
As we shared in You’re Allowed to Mourn Things You Never Had, grief isn’t just about death. It’s about change. About the unlived futures. The quiet goodbyes. The growth no one sees.
And Still—Becoming Makes Space for Belonging
It may feel like you’re standing in the in-between. No longer who you were. Not quite sure who you’re becoming. This is the sacred middle. The unraveling before the re-rooting.
And while this chapter might feel isolating, you are making space—for friendships that match your nervous system now, not your survival patterns. For relationships that honor your boundaries, not your compliance. For community that meets your depth, not your performance.
New people may come slowly. But they will come.
How to Hold Yourself Through the Grief of Growth
1. Let It Hurt (Without Rushing to Reframe)
You don’t have to pretend it’s fine. You can love your healing and still grieve what it cost you.
2. Write a “Goodbye” to the Old Self or Old Circle
Name what they gave you. Name what you’ve outgrown. Make it ceremonial, even if it’s quiet. Closure doesn’t require anyone else’s participation.
3. Reaffirm What You’re Growing Toward
Ask:
- “What am I choosing, even if it costs me approval?”
- “What kind of love or friendship am I opening space for now?”
4. Find (or Create) Micro-Moments of Belonging
Until the big soul-aligned relationships find you, seek small connections:
- Someone online who shares your values
- A barista who remembers your order
- A friend who respects your boundaries
Healing often starts with micro-safety, as we shared in From Survival to Safety.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone in the Becoming
You’re not the only one grieving the old while stepping into the new. You’re not the only one standing between chapters, untethered but honest. And you’re not wrong for changing—even if it changes who walks beside you.
At MIMO, we believe that growth comes with grief. But it also comes with new ground—and people who will meet you there, as you are.