Maybe you’re facing a transition. A new relationship, a breakup. A career pivot. A diagnosis. A relocation. A loss. And suddenly, your whole body tightens.
If change makes you crave control—not because you’re rigid, but because you’re scared—you’re not alone.
At MIMO, we believe that the desire to control isn’t a flaw. It’s a signal. And often, it’s a trauma-informed survival strategy.
Why Control Can Feel Like Safety
Control often becomes a coping strategy when our early environment felt chaotic, unpredictable, or emotionally unsafe.
If love was inconsistent… If boundaries were unclear… If safety came with strings attached…
Then control may have been the only way to feel secure. The only way to prevent disappointment, hurt, or shame.
As we explored in What Complex Trauma Looks Like in Everyday Life, hyper-control is often the nervous system’s way of saying: “Maybe if I plan it perfectly, I won’t get hurt again.”
How Control Shows Up
- Overplanning and overpreparing
- Perfectionism and people-pleasing
- Hyper-independence and difficulty delegating
- Struggling with uncertainty or surprise
- Rigidity in routines or expectations
These aren’t personality flaws. They’re protective patterns.
When Change Feels Like a Threat
Even good change can feel like danger. Because to your nervous system, change = unknown = potential harm.
You might notice:
- Increased anxiety, tension, or irritability
- Withdrawal, indecision, or obsessive planning
- Catastrophic thinking (“what if everything goes wrong?”)
This isn’t about weakness—it’s about attachment to predictability as a survival anchor.
How to Stay Grounded Through Change (Without White-Knuckling Control)
1. Validate the Part That’s Scared
Instead of shaming your need to control, try softening toward it:
“It makes sense that this part of me wants to grip tight. It learned that control = safety. I don’t need to shame it—I need to support it.”
As explored in Parts Work Explained — Without the Psychobabble, befriending your protective parts is step one.
2. Anchor to What *Is* Certain
Change doesn’t erase all stability. Ask:
- “What do I know for sure right now?”
- “What is still true, even as this changes?”
- “What can I return to when I feel overwhelmed?”
This might be a daily ritual, a safe person, a phrase like, “I’m with me now.”
3. Practice Flexible Thinking
When all-or-nothing thoughts arise, ask:
- “What else might be true?”
- “What would I say to a friend in this situation?”
- “Is this fear—or is it a protective prediction?”
Uncertainty doesn’t have to mean danger—it can also mean possibility.
4. Regulate First, Then Decide
Don’t force yourself to make decisions from a place of panic. Ground first. Move your body. Breathe. Cry. Then ask: What does the wisest part of me need to do next?
5. Let Go in Small Doses
You don’t have to surrender everything at once. Try softening your grip where it feels safest. Trusting one step of the process. Letting someone else help with one task. That’s enough for now.
Final Thoughts: Safety Isn’t in the Plan—It’s in the Practice
Control can’t save you from pain—but presence can help you move through it. And trust—real, earned, body-based trust—doesn’t come from getting it all right. It comes from knowing you’ll meet yourself kindly when things change.
At MIMO, we believe that letting go isn’t weakness. It’s a sacred act of self-trust. And you don’t have to do it all at once. You can start here. You can start now.