“I’m too much.” “I’m not enough.” “It’s my fault.” “If people really knew me, they’d leave.”
These aren’t just passing thoughts—they’re internalized shame scripts. And they can shape how you see yourself, how you show up in relationships, and how you relate to your own pain.
At MIMO, we believe that not everything you think is true—especially the things you learned to believe in unsafe or invalidating environments.
This article offers a gentle guide to noticing, questioning, and deconstructing shame. Not through force—but through awareness, compassion, and nervous system safety.
What Is Shame, Really?
Shame isn’t just embarrassment or guilt. It’s the deeply embodied belief that something about you is fundamentally wrong, broken, or unlovable.
As we explored in How Trauma Shapes the Way We Think, Feel, and Relate, shame often develops in childhood—especially in homes where emotions were dismissed, needs were unmet, or love was conditional.
Over time, this becomes internalized as truth. But truth and trauma are not the same thing.
How Shame Affects the Nervous System
Shame doesn’t just live in the mind—it lives in the body. It might feel like:
- A dropped chest or collapsed posture
- A need to hide, freeze, or disappear
- Harsh self-talk or relentless perfectionism
- A sense of being “too much” and “not enough” at the same time
This isn’t weakness. It’s a protective response—your body bracing against the perceived threat of rejection or judgment.
As we shared in What Is Somatic Healing — and Is It for You?, healing starts with recognizing these embodied patterns without shame about the shame.
Step 1: Name the Story
Shame thrives in silence. The first step is to name what your inner critic is saying.
Try asking:
- “What am I believing about myself right now?”
- “Where did I learn that?”
- “Would I say this to someone I love?”
Examples:
- “I ruin everything” → learned from being blamed for others' emotions
- “I’m a burden” → learned from having needs dismissed or punished
Writing it down can help you see the belief as a story—not an absolute truth.
Step 2: Create Distance Between You and the Thought
Instead of “I’m broken,” try:
- “I’m having the thought that I’m broken.”
- “A younger part of me feels like I don’t deserve care.”
This doesn’t dismiss the pain—it de-fuses from it, making space for something new to enter.
As explored in How to Talk to Your Inner Child Without Cringing, reparenting these shame-soaked beliefs is a form of repair, not regression.
Step 3: Offer a Compassionate Reframe
You don’t have to go from “I’m unworthy” to “I love myself” overnight. Start with something believable:
- “I learned this belief to stay safe.”
- “This story protected me once, but I don’t need it in the same way anymore.”
- “There’s more to me than this belief.”
Self-compassion isn’t cheesy—it’s an antidote to internalized shame.
Step 4: Track How Shame Feels in Your Body
Use somatic curiosity to gently track where shame lives in you:
- Where do I feel contraction?
- Is there heat, tightness, or hollowness?
- What happens when I breathe into that space?
As we explored in 5 Body-Based Practices to Reconnect with Yourself, noticing without fixing is a powerful act of reclamation.
Step 5: Let Others Hold a Truer Mirror
Shame tells you to isolate. Healing invites connection.
Let safe people reflect the parts of you that are kind, brave, resilient, and worthy. Even if it feels uncomfortable. Even if you can’t fully believe them yet. It plants the seed.
Final Thoughts: You Are Not the Story You Were Taught
Shame doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you were blamed, misattuned, or hurt without repair. And that story doesn’t have to be the ending.
At MIMO, we believe healing is about deconstructing the lies that shame told you—and rebuilding with truth, softness, and care. You’re not too much. You’re not too late. And not everything you think is true.